Jealousy doesn’t have to be this ugly feeling you supress. Instead, use jealousy as a tool to identify what you want so that you may create a better life.
I used to think jealousy was an ugly emotion. I thought it wasn’t ‘spiritual’ to experience feelings of jealousy or resentment.
I spent hours comparing myself to others on social media — even people I’ve never met — and this constant comparison triggered painful feelings of jealousy and resentment. I always considered myself a spiritual person, so whenever I would feel those ‘ugly’ negative emotions rise within me, I didn’t want to feel them.
I tried to release them with all sorts of spiritual techniques. Deep breaths and yoga? I tried it. Gratitude lists and energy healing? Yeah, I tried those, too. None of the techniques I tried seemed to help me release the painful, negative emotions, so I resorted to repressing the feelings. But they only grew more intense.
This internal struggle went on until I realized that jealousy could provide a spiritual insight, and that by repressing it, I was missing out on an amazing opportunity for personal growth.
This is how I transformed jealousy into a tool for manifesting my best life. Here are four tips that I hope can help you, too:
1. Identifying Common Threads
What do the people you are jealous of share? Maybe they travel often, look healthy, seem productive or especially creative. I began noticing the people I compared myself to all shared common qualities. I realized the qualities I was jealous of in them were dormant qualities in myself waiting to be actualized.
2. Turning Jealousy into Personal Goals
What can you do to manifest those dormant qualities? Perhaps you could save for a trip, start a healthy habit, write a blog, or paint a picture. I began to think about how I could translate the qualities I identified into attainable personal goals. Then I asked myself: “What is stopping me from achieving these goals?” When feelings of fear and anxiety surfaced, I realized they were holding me back.
3. Overcoming Fear
How can you conquer your fear? What are you really afraid of? Facing your fears can be a liberating step on the journey to your goal. I consciously took action to achieve the goals I identified, even if I felt fearful. Fear is a form of resistance. The more I faced my fear, the lighter my negative emotions became. The more I manifested those dormant qualities in myself, the less I cared what other people were doing. I don’t compare myself to other people as often now, and when I do, I know what it means and how to handle it.
4. Identify Your Triggers
If you’re struggling with comparison and jealousy, consider that these feelings are an arrow pointing you in the direction of your best life. For example, every day, you may be bombarded with online course offerings and pictures of coaches teaching courses. If this triggers a negative reaction in you, perhaps you would like to teach. If so, think about what is stopping you from doing it. Are you afraid of public speaking? Challenge yourself to speak in front of a small audience and then work on your goal of organizing a class. Instead of feeling defeated by the fear and resentful, turn it into a challenge and work on it every day.
You’ll feel jealousy lift as you identify your goals, work through your fears, and make progress. Next time you see someone on social media (or in real life) that you’re jealous of, ask yourself:
What quality in me is waiting to be actualized?
You may also enjoy reading Trusting Your Own Pace: 5 Strategies to Stop Comparing and Start Manifesting by Elena Lipson