Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
When life looks good on the outside, but feels less than on the inside — trusting your intuitive self will get you where you’re meant to go
Sometimes I literally stop what I’m doing, look around and wonder, has it only been one year or has it been a lifetime since everything changed?
If you had told me, “A year from now Katie, you will be living at your favorite beach writing letters to yourself in the sand with a seashell in the middle of the ‘work day’,”… Well, I don’t even know where to begin with how crazy I would’ve thought you were. And yet, if I had only looked closer, I would’ve recognized how throughout my life I often said things prophetically and then was shown the way.
None of my life happened by magic. It happened by me. I just wasn’t recognizing the connections at the time…any of them.
I have had a life filled with many magical instances and all the things that look good on ‘paper’ from the outside looking in: a successful corporate job, fabulous vacations, great friends, kids conceived naturally at 40 and 43 (even though fertility specialists doubted its feasibility). But there was a common denominator amongst them all — my unwavering faith in the belief that they would each happen, no matter what.
So, what was the problem then?
More and more frequently, I began to sense a longing — something that pulled me toward a calling that had no name, just a feeling. Simultaneously, though I couldn’t explain it, I was also becoming repulsed by the ‘great house’ and ‘great life’ and ‘great job’ that I had so carefully crafted for the last 20 years. What in the HELL was wrong with me?!
I pleaded for a sign, any sign…please. And boy did they come. BAM. My marriage was over, my job was gone, I had very few friends who understood me. I imploded. Or, was I being reborn? Because after spending so many days in the fetal position on my living room floor — the voice that began as a whisper so long ago, began to take center stage. Pssst. Remember me?
The more I listened to the whisper, the louder she got. You might be wondering…and the answer is yes…I did think I sounded a little cray cray! But little by little my confidence in this voice grew. As I leaned into the ‘knowing’ (you might call it your intuition) — the more I was rewarded with answers to my questions, plans for my next actions, and salves for my fears. I was transforming (big time). And things were moving as if I had stepped onto a conveyor belt passing my old life by at high speeds.
Just as a snake who sheds its skin must rub up against hard places, sometimes creating wounds and scratches — so too had I shed my skin by enduring some rough patches and wounds. I was becoming Me.
And there was no turning back…no un-shedding once the process had begun. Even though I wobbled, I didn’t want to go back.
I am embarking on a new career — one of my own design. I have moved to my favorite beach where I jog and sit in the sand breathing and daydreaming. I have a new home with my beautiful girls. I have found a tribe of women who speak to my soul and a life that feels more like me than anything ever has. I am making choices to honor myself not only as a strong and brave warrior of truth, but also as the soft place to land for those I love. Some days I’m scared shitless, others I move through boldly — but this beautiful shedding has allowed me to trust that all is well as long as I listen to the voice I am eternally committed to now.
So here I sit, writing these words to you, but also to me — as a witness to how far I have come and also how excited I am for what is yet to come on my unknown horizon. I am unfolding, transforming, shedding. I am alive for the first time in my life, truly alive…truly me.
And I’m not getting off the conveyor belt. Care to join me?
You may also enjoy reading Thrust From Life’s Saddle: How a Horse Guided Me Home, by Sasha Lipskaia.