Never Here, Always There | Learning to Live in the Present Moment

Embracing the present moment takes conscious intention and yields great rewards

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As I was attempting to meditate this morning, sitting on my bed and facing out toward the open windows, I composed a smile on my face — giving myself an imaginary pat on the shoulder for finally taking the time to sit in silence for 10 minutes. A whole 10 minutes after months of repeating to myself that I finally just need to do it!

And there I was, after much anticipation, sitting up straight and smiling in all my glory, thinking about how I forgot to wish someone a happy birthday on Facebook and how I needed to respond to two emails by the end of the day. Oh yeah — I also needed to wish an old classmate that I haven’t seen in seven years best of luck. What a state of peaceful serenity I was in.

The “Ripples” ringtone that I use on my phone to tranquilly close my 10-to-20 minute meditation sessions went off. I opened my eyes to begin journaling about all of the insightful discoveries I had unveiled. I determined within that time frame that my to-do list for the day was a tad longer than I had expected. I had also resolved that the word balance was caroming around my brain, clearing out space, setting up shop, and essentailly making more legroom for itself.

Balance… Balance… Balance. I could use more of that.

I realized as I began journaling (while taking breaks to respond to texts and double-checking the remaining time for my clothes in the dryer), that lately I am never firmly planted right where I am. I am constantly thinking about what needs to be done before I have even begun the task at hand. When I’m not fretting about the future, I’m worrying about what I should be doing rather than happily experiencing what I am already doing. I am ever running amuck, never standing still.

I am never here, always there.

I mean, come on, a measly 10 minutes of quietude was that hard for me to do? Can you imagine if I were to read a transcript of all my thoughts for the day, how scattered and dispersed they would be? If my brain were a photo, it would probably look like the aftereffects of a category-three hurricane. All different types of thoughts thrown about and burst into pieces; some lying here, a few gone and never coming back, others caught tangled in a tree. And that would be on a good day.

How often do we go about our day not focusing on what is truly the task at hand? How long can we continue to live our lives worrying about all that has not yet happened? Why is it so hard to remain present? I look back at most of this year and see a woman who has set goals for herself. Even though I completed three of the seven things I set out to do, I spent the majority of that time judging myself for not being exactly where I want to be.

Part of that problem is never giving my full, undivided attention and discipline to one single thing. Who else can say that about themselves this year — or any other previous year? Who else can relate to already imagining being home from work, comfortably sitting on the couch, before even heading out the door for work in the morning? Who else is doing what they’re doing to get by, all the while beating themselves up for doing the best they can with what they’ve got?

Whether it’s our fast moving world and its ever-increasing technology which enables us to connect with multiple people and platforms at once, or it’s our predestined human nature to constantly overanalyze and judge ourselves, the reality is that we drive ourselves mad by over complicating the simple.

And the simple truth is this: our only real responsibility in this life is to find what makes us happy and to reach for that bliss like a moth attracted to the light, ever persistently drawing nearer to touch the surface of our innermost dwellings of passion.

So what really gets in the way of our happiness? You’d think that it would be fairly easy to live our lives devoted to uncovering all that inspires us, even if that inspiration doesn’t bring about a specific reward or circumstance. But instead, we tend to go about our days allowing ourselves to stray off course — distracted by countless things that jump out to grab our attention. All of these detours end up amounting to the sum of time we look back on at year’s end and ask ourselves: Where did all of the time go?

Why do we let this happen? Because it’s easier to avoid doing what we know we want and need to be doing, than doing the actual work to get to where we want to be.

Write the first chapter of my novel or go out to dinner? Food and wine, please!

Wake up early and work out or sleep an extra hour and arrive late to work? Yes, more sleep!

Begin thinking positively about my life or kick myself for not getting the promotion I wanted? Of course, yell at myself for being so lazy!

We choose to take routes in life that may be unfavorable because it seems less painful than to alter the way we have always done things. (Side note: Although this road is undoubtedly easiest and will continue to serve you by bringing to your attention all that you want to change, it is definitely not the most rewarding or the most fun.)

 As last year drew to a close, I looked at the list of goals I made for myself last January, a time when I was undeniably a bit more scared and a great deal more naïve. I see that although I was my own harshest critic, I have changed for the better. Even with the bouncing distractions and perpetual side commentary by my ego, I still managed to change from day to day, to be a bit wiser and a great deal less afraid.

Two months ago I realized that what would make me the happiest is to quit talking about what I want and to begin working on what I want.

To stop complaining about what I don’t have and to actually start making those things that I am lacking become evident in my life.

So what have I learned from all of the bouncing distractions and days spent criticizing myself? I’ve learned that my life is completely, enticingly, and magnificently perfect. I’ve also come to the beautiful realization that we can all reach a point in our lives where what has always served us comfortably and regularly is no longer appetizing to us — so we can let it go, with gratitude and grace. Now is the time we need to grow. And what better time to change than the present moment?

Learn more about the author at: struckinsideout.typepad.com

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