When we practice conscious loving, we bring forth more rewarding relationships, and freedom from false obligations
Every day, we are surrounded by relationships. From the people at work to our romantic partners – even our fondness for chocolate-chip cookies, pizza, and beautiful art – we are surrounded with opportunities to give and receive love. Yes, we all love, but how many of us do it consciously?
Mastering the art of conscious loving is being mindful of your thoughts, words, and actions, and how they affect your environment. As we learn more and more about our role in the consciousness of the planet, we are given a great opportunity to learn about how we interact with others and how this impacts our life, our community, and the world around us. When we learn to love consciously, with clear intentions and awareness, we learn to harness our potential for growth and the positive expansion of humanity.
People that love unconsciously have been taught, through osmosis, all the habits and nuances that create the stories of their relationships. They may have had an overbearing father and a passive mother, so they mimic this learned behavior out of habit. These repeated patterns are what make up the majority of our interactions. But what can we do when these patterns are not creating a life that makes us feel empowered, enthusiastic, and inspired?
This is the opportunity for us to become aware of the behaviors and patterns that are not serving us in a positive and expansive way.
The actions and interactions that leave us feeling weakened, contractive, and stressed are the ones that we need to start paying special attention to. Those negative emotions are signals that are screaming out to us. Just like a baby needing to be fed, our emotions are begging for us to notice and nurture them.
When we feel that our relationships are draining instead of fulfilling, it is time to delve deep and explore what we are doing, saying, and thinking that is causing the dissension. By modifying the behaviors that keep us living in a recursive cycle of struggle, we set ourselves free and make room for the presence of unconditional love.
Starting with the things that we know intuitively is a great place to begin. If you find yourself dreading the visit from your mom that always ends up in a fight, then how can you create a healthy boundary? This might seem uncomfortable or even impossible, but it is necessary to feel uncomfortable when we are breaking old habits and familiar patterns that are no longer for our best for us. Setting boundaries might seem harsh, but it is the first step in conscious loving. Conscious loving is saying that you are aware of how you are dispersing your time, energy, and emotions. This new way of expressing love may feel foreign, but with daily practice, it will feel like a comfortable pair of fuzzy slippers.
Communication is paramount when creating a life of conscious loving.
Old learned habits in communication cause resentment, anger, and frustration. If we are expressing ourselves consciously in a relationship, we must learn to relay our needs and emotions in a healthy and honest way. This means not exerting fear when expressing emotions to those around us. When we speak in an honest way, we give the emotion a voice. Strong emotions of anger, sadness, and jealousy are often rooted in love, but they end up being expressed in a distorted way.
Learning to communicate in a honest and heartfelt way is the key to vulnerability – which should not be construed as weakness – and opens the door for others to express their needs, free of coercion and judgment. Unfortunately, our need for control often keeps us in a holding pattern of manipulation. We need a particular outcome, and we use bullying tactics to achieve it. This is an old story that doesn’t advance our highest potential or best self.
When we learn to function in a modality of expansiveness, we design a life which fosters abundance and growth.
When we learn to express our love in an honest and conscious way, we reclaim our power. Children who are raised in a household where they are allowed to express their needs in an accepting and understanding environment are more likely to feel validated and valued as individuals. The more positive they feel about themselves and their inherent self worth, the greater their positive impact in the world.
Learning to release things that have reached their maturation point is a sign of spiritual maturity. When we accept that the flow of life is all about trusting the process, we are empowered to move forward and leave the past behind us. We can release confusion and guilt, and all that other old, worn-out emotional baggage.
Letting go of old habits, destructive relationships, damaging behaviors, and stories of guilt and shame leaves room for new and exciting experiences to flow into your life. Do these experiences leave you feeling expansive (relaxed) or contractive (stressful)? Honoring the sensitivity of our emotions is a powerful practice passed down from the masters through the ages. Awareness is the key to understanding, and understanding is the gateway of forgiveness.
In my work with those who are hungry for growth and a life of abundance, I teach that we can only heal what we can see. We don’t force healing on ourselves, but with the power of cognizance, coupled with the ability to modify behaviors, healing happens automatically. That is the true power of love.
This year, as we enter into a time of growth and challenge, take time to nurture yourself. You are your sole and principal responsibility. You deserve all the love, wealth, and perfect health that life can give. Your authentic beauty is needed in the world. We all benefit when you let your light shine the brightest. Finding a way to express your talents and unique abilities gives us all the permission to express ourselves. The process is reciprocal, because life is a mirror, and when we show up in a way that is free of embarrassment or trying to maintain an image, we set the people around us free.
Conscious loving is not something we learn in school. We learn it by being aware.
We often stay complacent in a life that keeps us comfortable, if unfulfilled. Challenge yourself to want more for yourself, to become the best self that you can be. The time is now to fulfill your purpose on planet Earth. You are loved and supported.
Learn more about the author at: loveaholic.org