Tools to reclaim your strength and desire live
It is strange to write about suicide when you’re happy. It nearly seems disrespectful. Because if you’ve really been there, at the point of killing yourself, you know it is not a show, a gamble or a play for attention.
That moment in time, that point of no return when you make the choice to end your life, is more real than anything you’ve ever experienced — and it changes everything.
But if you can choose beyond it, if you choose to live, you are forever different. I know, because I did. And I am.
In honor of World Suicide Prevention Day on September 10th, I would like to share my story and some of the tools that allowed me to choose beyond the point of suicide.
This was many years ago, I had just become a Doctor of Chiropractic and I had my whole life in front of me…as they say.
At the time, I had a seemingly perfect life. I lived in beautiful Santa Barbara, California, I had an apartment, a beautiful girlfriend, a new chiropractic practice…and yet, inside I was dying. I was disillusioned with my own dreams and deathly-tired of trying to fill that infinite empty hole inside.
So, I set a date for my own death.
I planned it so that it would not be on a holiday or near anyone’s birthday. I didn’t want any of those close to me to have to think of me at those times when I was gone.
And I gave the universe six months to change my whole life, or I was out.I was on the verge of suicide – and no one around me knew. Trust me. They would have said, “Dain? Yeah, he is doing great!”
Let me underscore this: Everyone thought I was fine.
I did not reach out for help. I did not show any signs that I was at my wits end. I smiled, I went to work, I kissed my girlfriend. And while I did all that, I told myself: six months, my life changes or I am out of here.
A few weeks later, the universe intervened. With the help of a tiny ad in a local paper, it put me in contact with the tools of something called Access Consciousness.
Once I started to use those tools, my life completely changed and I’ve never considered suicide again.
I know that sounds like a fairy-tale and way too easy. In some ways it was easier than I could have imagined. And, in so many other ways, it was not.Choosing to live is a constant and continuous choice.
I use the very same toolsevery day to create my life – a life that now is joyful, creative and very successful by most people’s standards.
In honor of today, I would like to briefly introduce you to three of these tools.My hope is that, if you’ve ever had thoughts of suicide — or if you know someone who has — these tools can assist in some way.Maybe they can help you to take two more steps. And that may be enough, because two more steps can change everything.
The first two tools below are based on asking questions. A question always empowers. An answer always disempowers. When you ask a question, you open other doorways of possibility in your life that never seemed to exist before you asked the question. They were always there, but you have to ask the question in order to access them.
Tool #1: Who does this belong to?
How much of your life have you spent believing that the sense of wrongness you perceive is really yours, when in actuality, it’s what you’re aware of in the world around you? And in other people’s worlds around you? Truthfully, is it yours or someone else’s?
We are constantly bombarded by the thoughts and feelings of people around us, and often we don’t even realize it. Much of what goes on in your head isn’t even yours. Highly sensitive people are particularly attuned to, and affected by, the feelings, thoughts, emotions and judgments of others. And highly-sensitive people are those most often contemplating suicide and living with depression.
Think of yourself like a psychic sponge – so attuned to others that, at an unconscious level, it’s like you are absorbing and reacting to everyone in a hundred-mile radius!
This is the time to ask this question: Who does this belong to? If you suddenly feel lighter, it’s because it isn’t yours. You can return it to sender. Yes! Just return it. If it’s not yours, you can’t do anything about it anyway. You can’t solve it, but you can return it and lighten your load.
Being YOU has a sense of lightness and ease to it. You trying to be someone else feels immensely heavy.What if 98% of all that is heavy and dark is NOT yours? Would there be less trauma and drama in your life? Would you have more peace and knowing of what is true for you? If you could start to get rid of 98% of the thoughts in your head after using this tool for the next three days, would you use it? I did.
By the way, if this tool resonates with you, I created an entire YouTube playlist with videos explaining how to use it. It’s my gift to you and an acknowledgment to you that things can be different.
Tool #2: Stop judging you
When you feel depressed, when you have thoughts of ending your life, when you can’t seem to find that happy feeling no matter how hard you try, oftentimes you decide that there is something wrong with you and start desperately seeking to fix it.
What if there’s nothing wrong with you? What if you don’t need to be fixed? And what if you’re not nearly as f***ed up as you think you are?
We spend so much time judging ourselves and our bodies. The result is that we are used to believing that we are wrong, wrong, wrong.
Would you be willing to let that go? If so, try asking this question every day: “What’s right about me that I’m not getting?” In fact, ask it several times a day. You don’t have to believe it; just ask the question and let it work its magic.
Tool #3: Giving up the perfect future
How old were you when you decided what your perfect future should look like?Could it have been when you were a kid? Maybe even something you bought from your parents? Something that maybe you don’t even remember anymore?
Now… what if that perfect projected future is still hanging around? What if it comes with a whole set of roles and rules, and you, my friend, keep trying to fit everyone you meet into one of them? It is a never-ending job of finding the people, places and situations perfect for each and every slot so that you’ll finally, one day, hit the jackpot… and finally, one day, not be wrong.
What if, at this point in life, right now, you actually desire something completely different than you did when you created that perfect future? And what if that perfect future wasn’t even yours? What if you’re trying to live someone else’s idea of what the perfect future is supposed to be and that’s why it doesn’t actually work for you?
Basically, I am asking you to give up that perfect future you thought was so required and real and start questioning it so you can find what is actually real and true for you — not what is real and true for anyone else on this planet — and instead create a future that actually works for you.
What if you didn’t have to be perfect any longer, especially based on anyone else’s standards? What if you didn’t have to prove that you were right? What if you didn’t have to worry about being wrong?
Ask yourself: What future can I create, starting today, that would make me happier than I ever imagined possible? Would that change the way life comes to you? Would it change the future you could create?
These are the three tools I wanted to share with you today. If this in any way speaks to you, please know these are just the beginning. There are many, many more!
I don’t know your story — at least not the details of it. I do know the sadness, depression and hopelessness that comes when we are sensitive, aware and caring, and desperately feeling that no matter how hard we try, it’s never enough. And no matter how perfect we become, we’re never perfect enough.
The reason this way of thinking doesn’t work is because it’s a totally flawed construct designed to get you to judge and diminish you. The reality is, nothing is greater than you. NOTHING.
No matter what has occurred in your life, you have the power to change it. I wish someone would have been there to tell me this all those years ago. That’s why I’m here sharing this with you now.
Your life is a choice. A choice that only you can make. Please, make that choice.
- Make the choice to wake up in the morning and ask questions.
- Make the choice to stop judging and trying to fix you.
- Make the choice to talk to someone who is kind and let them into your world.
- Make the choice to never give up, to never give in, and to never quit.
If you do, something totally different (and maybe even miraculous) is possible. Starting now.
You may also enjoy reading Nurturing and Vulnerability: The Power of Healing our Wounded Child, by Ron Baker