7 Positive Lessons Learned From Rejection

7 positive lessons to help re-frame the experience of rejection

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True story: It was a leap year, the year that comes around every four years that all men dread! It’s the day when tradition dictates that women who are fed up of waiting for a proposalmake their own proposal on February 29th.

My proposal was to ask a friend /ex-lover to have a baby with me. (I explained that having sex was not necessary, artificial insemination would do the trick). While I was waiting for him to decide about that, I also asked him to marry me. He, of course, immediately said NO to both — no thought required.

I’m no stranger to rejection, but this situation made me seriously consider how we can transform it from a negative experience into a positive change for ourselves.

Here are 7 lessons I have learned from rejection:

1. Rejection is Never Personal

Rejection is never personal. Our connotation of the word rejection has become negative. But it can be turned upside down quite easily. Look at it as liberation from an untenable situation. This is absolutely true. Someone saying “no” means one hundred “yes” responses will be coming our way. I send happy thoughts, kindness and compassion to the naysayers because I am too Sexy Brilliant for any negative talk

All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.

~ Mitch Albom

2. Rejection is Not About Me

Rejection is not about me. Rejection is a life situation that happens to everyone. Someone said no to me because I was no longer a good fit. Where ever possible forgive ourselves and others for the hurt that was caused and it will be a little bit easier to move past what happened. I am too Sexy Brilliant to use any negative words or thoughts directed at myself or others.

3. Our Past is a Part of Our Future

Our past is part of our future. Every partner, every relationship, is a mirror of what we needed at that point in our life. They are the reasons we are where who we are. Be thankful for the lessons that our past has taught us.

4. Not Everyone We Lose is a Loss

Not everyone we lose is a loss. Some people are a small part of our life journey and there to teach us something important. My most brutal rejection in recent years was when my then partner asked me to marry him and then did a disappearing act on me. Two years later, I often wonder if he is alive and/or following me on social media. But he did teach me an important lesson: The only reason I got hurt is because I gave my power away. He didn’t have the power to hurt me; I gave him that.

5. Just Because A Relationship Changes Does Not Mean It Ends

Just because a relationship changes does not mean it ends. The end of love often results in a change of relationship. But the love of a friend stays. If we make our relationships based on friendship, trust, and respect our friendships won’t suffer as result of the relationship ending. Obviously it takes two to make a friendship work, even after a relationship ends.

Some people will never be ready to be friends with an ex-partner because of emotions, vulnerability, feelings, hurt, bad vibes, troubles, money issues — the list is endless. On our end we can send out good positive energy because it all comes back to us. This is most commonly felt in relationships where there are children, pets, or families involved. The relationship may change, but there will still be emotional and practical commitments when we are co-parenting. This can also be the case if we are involved in the joint care of family members, or even pets. It takes two people to make a relationship work.

6. Celebrate the Scars

Celebrate the scars. Celebrate the journey, scars and all. If we learned something in our relationship and from our rejection, then it was not a waste. Be sure to give thanks and be grateful for the wounds from which we will heal.

Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.

~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

7. No Guilt, No Shame

In rejection, someone left us or we left a situation that was not helping us grow. Have no shame or guilt for letting an unhealthy situation go, or for being the one to be rejected. Those of us who suffer shame have it harder, as shame keeps us isolated, making it so much more difficult to heal or seek help.

I have had so many rejections in my life that rejection does not bother me any more.

Or rather, I am quicker to recover from rejections. You can be, too. Whether it’s a friend who unfriended us on social media or a new job that we didn’t get, take the time to mourn the end of the relationship or partnership. Rebound relationships have never worked for me (although good sex does help). Give yourself time to grieve, heal and be human. Feed yourself healthy food and do others things to nourish the self.

Remember: We are too Sexy Brilliant to be anything but ourselves! It’s much better to be ‘rejected’ than to be with someone who is not 100% committed to the relationship. Rejection means that we have been freed from a situation that  was not a good fit for us and we can now prepare for one that is better.

Awesomeness must hang out together. I am awesome and so are you — that is why we are together. Reading this. Writing this for us. We attract who we are, so let’s be Sexy Brilliant together!

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