Listening For The One Who Cares (A Poem)

listening for the one who cares

this morning

running up flagstaff mountain

i actually thought

i saw the ocean

off to the left

a distant mirage of

unconsciousness and

uncertainty

in this land-locked state

after a double-take

i realized how this custom

of leaving myself

lands and lodges in my core

still learning not to

muscle my way through what works

just engaging out of habit

now knowing it’s the subtle adjustments

that make the most impact

on my descent

a baby deer was waiting for me

we locked eyes and

he let me get quite close

who are you i said

tears rolling down my cheeks

he can sense

everything i feel

i know his pain

yet cannot save him

in these moments

nature is the chime

sounding the end of

meditation practice

to wake me up

in the present

but i am not

a nature poet

so i don’t know which

metaphors to use

most mornings i wake

while everyone else is still sleeping

and allow myself to think of him

as the sky slowly brightens

the land is still dark

trees in silhouette

against the early morning sky

i send him love and light

it is really only

ever about

time of day

and the passage

of night

but i am not a nature poet

though as we cross country

the horizon

a portal

opening up

right in front of us

port of entry

transforms into

po         e   try

an adjustment period

coast to coast

this portrait of real personal markings

soft brushed color

deckled edges and draping

hide the cracking

i notice my past

pulling away from me

while i watch it in reverse

in the rearview mirror

cairns tracing the trail

from my ribcage

through my navel

to my pelvis

signaling where

the relationship

of one thing to another

ends

why is it

we only have language

for grief over the loss of the dead

but not for the loss

of those still living

some days

being

is all in service

of that one single breath

rising and falling

unconstricted

unrestrained

unencumbered

unattached

free

nancylevin.com

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