Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
Grief is never easy, but it can serve as a catalyst for profound personal growth
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I did a podcast interview in mid-March with a yoga therapist where the host and I talked deeply about grief. What she said stayed with me, “Your father sounds like such a progressive man.”
She was right. Unlike most South Asian parents, my dad never asked me to become a doctor or an engineer or a lawyer. He said that grades mattered and so did money (It’s life). But what was most important was being a good human being, relying on self for sustainable joy, sharing what we have with others, and doing good in the world. He was unlike anyone else.
The grief of losing him has been un-anchoring. It’s not just because I lost the only parent alive; but also, he was my safe space in this world where I would turn to recharge.
What is grief?
Grief isn’t limited to the loss of a loved one. Grief is an intense emotional response to loss—whether the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, betrayal in a friendship, the loss of a job, loss of health, or another life-altering event. It is as universal as it is personal, shaping how we perceive ourselves and our place in the world.
After losing my dad, I have been wondering about my identity and place in the world. My relationship with India, the land of my ancestors, feels a little tense. Who do I go back for? Is India still one of my homes? But if home is where your heart is … the part of my heart that loved India (still does) was cremated along with my father’s body.
But despite all the emptiness and heartaches … can I tell you that within the darkness and disorientation of grief, there often lies an unanticipated opportunity for growth and transformation? By acknowledging the pain and forging a new sense of meaning, we can harness grief as a powerful catalyst for personal reinvention.
Understanding Grief
Grief can manifest through a wide range of emotions: sadness, anger, denial, guilt, remorse, numbness, or even relief. Because everyone’s grieving process is unique, it defies a single definition or timeline. The same person might experience anger for a period and then denial. There is no linear progression. Some individuals experience acute waves of sorrow while others move through periods of numbness followed by guilt or frustration or denial.
Key points on grief:
- Non-linear experience: People often cycle back and forth through various stages of grief.
- Complex emotions: Emotions such as sadness, anger, and guilt may coexist along with joy and sadness.
- Individual journey: The timeframe for healing varies significantly from person to person.
- Ongoing process: Grief never fully goes away. It can ebb and flow over a lifetime, arising at unexpected moments.
The Role of Grief in Self-Discovery
Paradoxically, grief can deepen our self-awareness. When forced to confront life’s impermanence, many people begin to reevaluate aspects of their identity, priorities, and relationships.
In losing both my parents, unexpectedly, I started to ask the scary but real questions about relationships, identity, and life. I started to pay attention to who and what mattered. I didn’t fall for what people said, I took cues from their actions.
The rawness of loss creates space for introspection, compelling us to question what truly matters and inspiring us to shed roles or commitments that no longer serve us. This won’t be easy as we have been trained to stick to familiar and pour energy into people and relationships even if they no longer serve us.
How grief fuels self-discovery:
- Reassessment of priorities: Loss can spark insight into what genuinely brings you fulfillment, prompting a shift in values or lifestyle.
- Heightened emotional intelligence: By working through pain, people may become more sensitive and compassionate—towards themselves and others.
- Motivation to pursue new paths: Disruption of the status quo may energize an individual to seek out different careers, relationships, or personal projects.
Embracing Change: Personal Reinvention
Transforming grief into a constructive force involves embracing change. This might mean altering your daily routines, rethinking career goals, or building new habits that promote emotional well-being. The sense of renewal that comes after grief isn’t about forgetting what was lost; rather, it involves crafting a life that holds space for past memories while allowing for the possibilities of the future.
After my father died, I couldn’t return to my old workouts, yoga practice, or even hiking trails. It was all too much. While I had no problems talking about my father’s untimely demise, I also wanted to avoid my routine-stuff that reminded me of him.
Strategies for personal reinvention:
- Therapeutic support: A mental health professional can help you navigate complex emotions, identify patterns that hold you back, and encourage the development of healthier coping mechanisms. I also offer grief coaching using the ancient healing sciences of Ayurveda.
- Creative expression: Journaling, non-curated dancing, art, music, and other creative endeavors provide an outlet for emotional release and self-reflection.
- Establishing new habits: Incorporating practices such as meditation, exercise, or mindfulness fosters resilience, calming the mind and reducing stress.
- Goal-setting: Breaking down long-term aims into achievable steps can keep you focused on growth rather than dwelling solely on loss.
The Power of Community
It’s fascinating to me how our mental health depends on a fine balance between getting to know yourself and turning inward as well as building a supportive tribe of people because social connection is healing. While personal reinvention ultimately comes from within, community support plays an invaluable role in healing.
Sharing stories, receiving empathy, and learning from others’ journeys can help you process your loss without feeling isolated. Close friends, support groups, or online communities offer a reminder that you are not alone in your struggles or your transformation. But be very mindful of who you allow into your home and life as grief makes us very vulnerable.
Ways to tap into community and support:
- Open conversation: Talk honestly with trusted friends and family about your emotions. This vulnerability often encourages deeper connections. I have found a whole other set of people after losing my dad.
- Support groups: I give talks at cemeteries and have done readings from my book, The Loss That Binds Us. It’s a world of people who don’t know me outside of the event yet know what breaks and joins my heart. Seek out in-person or virtual gatherings where you can share your story and hear from others going through similar experiences.
- Volunteering: I volunteered at senior centers as it was a two-way healing space. Many of them were happy to see someone their daughter’s age in me, and I was grateful to be of service to people from my parents’ generation. Helping others can foster a sense of purpose, often alleviating feelings of despair and emphasizing the value of human connection.
Grief is never easy, but it can serve as a catalyst for profound personal growth. By acknowledging the pain, reevaluating personal priorities, and welcoming new perspectives, you can shape a reinvented sense of self—one that honors your loss while embracing life’s next chapters. Though the path may be turbulent, every step of openness and self-compassion guides you toward renewed meaning and possibility.
[Disclaimer: The content is purely informative and educational in nature and should not be construed as medical advice. The information is not intended for use in the diagnosis, treatment, cure, or prevention of any disease. Please use the content only in consultation with an appropriate certified medical or healthcare professional. If you are nursing, taking medications, or have a medical condition, please consult with your health care practitioner prior to the use of any of these herbs. If you are looking for advice from a trained yogi and Ayurvedic Doctor, contact Sweta here.]
You may also enjoy reading Navigating Grief with Ayurvedic Principles: A Q&A with Sweta Vikram.
