Estimated reading time: 10 minutes
Whether healing from trauma, anxiety, narcissistic abuse or day-to-day stress — there is freedom and inner peace to be found with EFT Tapping
Have you ever found fulfillment in any solution outside of yourself? Think back to when you felt angry. Did throwing or yelling help solve the problem? The answer is probably not. It may feel good at the time, but then you feel immediate remorse. Until you can calm your mind, there is no solution at hand. It is because your power and peace are already inside of you. There is a powerful exercise that allows you to do just that: Emotional Freedom Technique aka EFT Tapping. Read on to learn how this deceptively simple technique can help heal the trauma and aid in finding an overall sense of freedom.
My inner peace journey, as is so often the case, started with a major shock. I am a narcissistic abuse survivor, and in all the ten years of that emotionally tortured relationship, I always defended him. Until one day, he shocked me into reality and my courage to stay away and never go back was summoned. He tried to cheat on me with my sister!
In the months after leaving that sexually and emotionally abusive relationship, I experienced Complex PTSD. CPTSD is a condition where you experience some symptoms of PTSD along with some additional symptoms, such as difficulty controlling your emotions, and feeling angry or distrustful towards the world. It can develop after a highly stressful, frightening or distressing event, or after a prolonged traumatic experience such as emotional abuse. Types of events that can lead to PTSD include: serious accidents, verbal manipulation, and/or physical or sexual assault.
I experienced uncontrollable crying fits, body shakes, depression, and feeling like my aura was stretching and contracting like a rubber band. I found myself snapping and yelling in reaction to stressful situations, especially when I had two babies in diapers. And I felt horrible I was yelling at these innocent children, and I just had it with the uncontrollable reactions. I knew I had to fix something.
I found a practice called EFT Tapping or Emotional Frequency Technique Tapping. And it saved my sanity and my relationship with my new partner and children.
Now I know tapping into your inner strength and healing the trauma from narcissistic abuse can be a daunting challenge. But with EFT you can begin to break free from the pain of any stress or trauma.
For many who have experienced narcissistic abuse, the emotional healing process can be a long, difficult journey. EFT can help you tap into your inner strength and start the journey to break free from the pain and find your inner peace holistically.
“The points that you’re tapping on are the endpoints of the meridians. And the meridians are how energy moves through the body.” ~ Lauren Fonvielle, EFT Tapping Guide [11:52] on S5 Ep 3 Empath and Narcissist podcast
EFT is common in Chinese medicine, and by tapping on the acupressure points, you’re helping to move the stuck negative energy out of your body. I know, you may think that sounds weird, I’m moving energy? But there is a lot of science behind it as well. In addition to that, as you’re tapping on these points, it is actually sending a calming message to the amygdala in the brain.
The amygdala is the part of the brain that responds to fear and controls your fight-or-flight response. And when you are someone that is dealing with chronic pain, chronic stress, overwhelm…that amygdala is constantly firing. And when that is happening, cortisol, the stress hormone, rushes through your body and can lead to negative outbursts.
When you do any mindfulness practice, including EFT, you are connecting with the Universe and that is your bridge over the dark canyon of fear, trauma, and stress. It allows you to gain back your calm, and ultimately your power within.
With EFT Tapping, you can begin to gain perspective and insight into how your feelings and thoughts affect your overall state of mind. By learning how to be mindful of your feelings and thoughts, you can make more informed decisions about your behavior and the best way to manage challenging situations. In the process of using EFT Tapping, you will become more aware of your emotions that arise from past memories and present experiences and begin to view them from a less intense perspective.
The Dalai Lama says about joy in the Mission Joy Documentary: “Everybody seeks happiness, joyfulness, but from outside — from money, from power, from [a] big car, from [a] big house. The ultimate source of [a] happy life, even physical health, [is] inside, not outside.” It’s an inner peace which he taught himself to find. He says he does not get angry — and in response to why he was not angry about being exiled from his Motherland: “Look at situations from all angles and you will become more open.” He sees the event as positive rather than negative.
“Sometimes just saying that thing (fear or anxiety) out loud can be really powerful in beginning to create a shift. Because we think so many of the same negative thoughts each and every day. But a lot of the time those are just thoughts that we aren’t sharing with anybody.” ~ Lauren Fonvielle, EFT Tapping guide [23:52] S5 Ep 3 Empath and Narcissist podcast
And thoughts held in create dis-ease and unfulfilled peace. They ruminate and rot our mindset, and eventually our body.
So, when we take the time to pause and then really say that “thing” out loud, you can start to create distance from it, and then have a perspective shift. You may even think, “Oh my goodness, that feels so silly now. I can’t even believe I thought that that was true.” ~ Lauren Fonvielle, [24:17] S5 Ep 3 Empath and Narcissist podcast
When you practice mindfulness and self-care techniques, such as EFT Tapping, yoga, deep breathing exercises etc., it allows you to let go of the stress and tension built up in your body. This will provide you with more clarity to make better choices in managing difficult situations. It also helps to nurture a state of inner peace that lends to building resilience against manipulative behaviors. I can relate that this can seem impossible when you are under pain and stress. You think…
“Don’t tell me that I can be grateful for this because this really sucks right now.” ~ Raven Scott
“And it does. And that’s the beauty of the EFT tapping — it acknowledges that it sucks right now. It allows you to hold space for yourself and hold yourself with love, which I think is the key.” ~ Lauren Fonvielle, [25:47]S5 Ep 3 Empath and Narcissist podcast
Tapping allows you to move through it and move on from it once you surrender that negative victim narrative.
Chronic Stress negatively affects your body
If you hold in the negative narrative, the chronic stress from trauma, in addition to ruminating on the trauma, can have a negative impact on various systems and functions within the body. This makes it even more important to find ways to manage and reduce stress levels.
One recent study that utilized tapping as a treatment for PTSD in veterans was conducted by Dr. Dawson Church and colleagues. The study was published in the Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease in 2013.
“The results of this study suggest that Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping can be an effective treatment for symptoms of PTSD in veterans. The EFT intervention resulted in a significant decrease in overall PTSD symptoms as well as in individual symptoms of anxiety, depression, and sleep disturbance. The reductions in symptoms were maintained at a 3-month follow-up assessment, indicating the potential for lasting effects with this treatment approach.”
This study provides evidence that EFT tapping can be an effective treatment for and may offer a promising alternative or adjunct to traditional treatments for PTSD.
EFT is considered one of the most effective self-care practices for trauma survivors from veterans to narcissistic abuse survivors. It helps by releasing built-up stress, it stimulates your natural healing process and enhances resilience by calming the mind and regulating emotions. Taking the time to practice EFT regularly will help you to become more grounded and aware of your thoughts, feelings, needs and desires on a deeper level. And as the study shows it is not something you have to do the rest of your life. A 3-month practice can last you for years.
I can personally attest. I practiced it daily for 3 months, five years ago and the stress symptoms of snapping and yelling have not come back.
Now on my healing journey, I have found my path as an author, a role model for fellow survivors, and a podcast producer (Empath and the Narcissist, and Human Design Soul Interpreter). It is wild the places that one small step in your wellness can lead you to!
Don’t wait until your body is screaming to “come home to yourself.” (And if you’re already there, it’s ok too…you can begin to shift it all right now.) There is hope for you to regain your joy, peace and power. And EFT is a potent tool that helps you to do just that.
Practice with Raven
The technique is really simple. Start by rating your stress level on a scale from 0-10 and just make a mental note of it. Then begin: At each point you tap, repeat a phrase listed below (or a version of it that suits you). Once you complete the full cycle, repeat it twice more. And before and after each round, breathe deeply 3 times. After you complete the third cycle, again, rate your stress level on a scale from 0-10 and acknowledge any shift.
Practice with me:
Tap karate chop part of hand rhythmically
Even though I’m anxious and upset, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Even though I’m anxious, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Even though I am anxious, I choose to completely love and accept myself.
Tapping eyebrow point (inside nearest nose)
I’m so upset (repeat saying as many times that feels good, i.e. 3-5 times)
This upset, stress, and worry is so uncomfortable
I’m calm, confident, and relaxed
Tapping Outside of eye
What if the worst happens?
I know this situation isn’t going to last forever
I choose to know everything is going to be ok
Tapping under the eye
What if the worst happens?
I know this situation isn’t going to last forever
I choose to see this moment as safe
Tapping under the nose
What will I do, how will I handle it
Maybe I just need to take a break and vent
I choose to be calm, confident and relaxed
It’s all up to me and I’m feeling overwhelmed now
Maybe I just need to get relief from all things in life
Calming down now, relaxing my body
I wish I could calm down
This too shall pass
Feels good to take a break feeling calm and relaxed
Tapping under arm below armpit
I’m so worried and I’m anxious
I know I can calm down and I welcome the shift
Calm, confident and relaxed
Tapping top of head
I want to push this away but I can’t
I honor my experience and accept my situation completely
I choose to accept myself and my situation completely. Everything is going to be ok.
Empath Aura shield: Breathe deeply three times
Tune into this full episode on Empath and the Narcissist podcast S5Ep3.
You may also enjoy the interview Nick Ortner: The Tapping Solution, by Kristen Noel.