Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
We are inextricably influenced by childhood experiences…both good and traumatic; nurturing your inner child can releae trapped wounds and shift old emotional patterns
—
[The following is an excerpt from the author’s book, Embrace Your Shadows: A Guide to Healing Your Shadow Emotions and Embracing Your Inner Child (Tellwell Talent) and reproduced with permission from the author and publisher]
From infancy, our nervous system is shaped by our earliest experiences. The way we are held, soothed and responded to as babies influences how we regulate emotions and perceive the world. The nervous system develops in response to the environment, meaning every experience—big or small— leaves an imprint.
How the Nervous System Forms in Early Childhood
During childhood, our nervous system learns how to interpret safety and danger based on the caregiving we receive. If our caregivers are emotionally present, nurturing and attuned, we develop a nervous system that regulates easily, meaning we can experience stress and return to calmness with ease. However, if our caregivers are inconsistent, neglectful or unpredictable, our nervous system adapts to stay in a heightened state of alertness or shutdown.
Small Experiences That Shape the Nervous System:
- A baby cries and is left alone too long before being comforted. Over time, they learn that distress will not be soothed, making their nervous system more reactive to stress.
- A toddler reaches for affection but is met with a distracted or cold response. This can lead to difficulty developing trusting relationships in adulthood.
- A child’s emotions are frequently dismissed by their caregiver with phrases like “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal.” This can teach the nervous system to suppress emotions instead of expressing them.
Big Traumas and Their Impact on the Nervous System:
- Witnessing or experiencing abuse creates a constant state of hypervigilance, making the nervous system reactive and easily triggered.
- Losing a parent, whether physically or emotionally, can result in long-term feelings of insecurity and abandonment that stay stored in the body.
- Experiencing prolonged emotional neglect can cause dissociation, where parts of the self “check out” to avoid pain, making it difficult to feel connected in adulthood.
Because the nervous system operates on patterns learned in childhood, many of our adult struggles—anxiety, hyper-independence, emotional shutdown—are rooted in these early experiences. However, through conscious healing work, we can rewire these responses and bring safety to the body and mind.
Healing the Nervous System and Inner Child
Regulating the nervous system is a crucial part of healing. When the inner child still holds unresolved trauma, the nervous system stays stuck in past patterns, reacting as if we are still in unsafe situations even when we are not.
One way to shift this is by bringing safety to the body through breathwork and visualization.
Box Breathing to Regulate the Nervous System
Box breathing is a simple yet powerful technique to calm the body and signal safety to the inner child:
- Inhale deeply through your nose for four counts.
- Hold your breath for four counts.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for four counts.
- Hold your breath out for four counts.
Repeat this cycle several times. As you breathe, visualize your inner child sitting beside you, feeling your steady presence. This helps regulate emotions and reinforces the sense of safety within.
Expanding Your Safe Space with Healing Elements
Your safe space can evolve to support deeper healing. As you strengthen your connection with your inner child, consider adding:
- Water for Cleansing and Emotional Release – Water represents purification, helping to clear out stagnant emotions like grief, abandonment and rejection.
- Trees for Grounding and Strength – Trees provide stability and resilience. Connecting with their energy helps regulate the nervous system and deepen the feeling of safety.
- A Resting Place for Integration – Healing is a process and the inner child may need a place to rest. A cozy bed, hammock or warm blanket in your safe space allows for restoration.
Ask your inner child:
- “What do you need in this space to feel safer?”
- “Is there anything new you’d like to add?”
- “What brings you the most comfort?”
Welcoming Your Spirit Guides
Welcoming your Spirit Guides, Spirit Animals, and deceased loved ones into your safe space is a profound way to deepen your healing, provide a greater sense of safety for your inner child, and support the nervous system’s regulation. These benevolent beings offer unconditional love, guidance, and protection, helping to create a sanctuary where deep healing and integration of fragmented trauma can occur. Their presence reassures your inner child that they are never alone, reinforcing a sense of belonging and emotional security.
Spirit Guides bring wisdom and clarity, gently guiding you toward self- acceptance and transformation. Spirit Animals offer grounding energy, instinctual protection, and emotional resilience, helping to stabilize your nervous system and reconnect you with your primal sense of safety. Deceased loved ones provide comfort, familiar love, and a deep soul connection, reminding you of the eternal support that transcends physical existence. By consciously inviting these loving presences into your safe space, you create an environment where your inner child can fully relax, release stored trauma, and feel supported in their healing journey, allowing for deeper integration and emotional wholeness.
Guided Meditation: Healing with Your Spiritual Guide
Find a quiet, comfortable space. Take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, allow your body to soften. Close your eyes and visualize yourself stepping into your safe space. Notice the surroundings—what do you see, feel and hear?
Now, invite your inner child to join you. Observe their body language and emotions. Ask them:
- “How do you feel today?”
- “Is there a part of you that feels abandoned, rejected or alone?”
- “What do you need to feel safe and loved?”
As you sit together, invite a spiritual guide into the space. This presence could be an angel, an ancestor, a spirit animal or a figure of light. Feel their warmth and unconditional love as they approach.
Now, allow the guide to communicate with your inner child.
- If abandonment arises, feel the guide embracing your inner child, whispering, “You are never alone.”
- If rejection surfaces, hear them say, “You are deeply loved just as you are.”
- If guilt or shame lingers, they gently remind, “You are enough.”
- If loneliness or grief feels heavy, sense their reassurance, “You are always supported.”
Let this love and protection fill your body. Feel the nervous system calming, releasing tension and absorbing safety. Spend time here, allowing healing energy to integrate. When you are ready, express gratitude and slowly return to the present moment.
Reflection Questions After Meditation
- What emotions surfaced during this meditation?
- Did a guide, spirit animal, or loved one appear? What did they share with you?
- How did your inner child react to their presence?
- What changes did you notice in your safe space?
- What messages of healing or support did you receive?
- How can you integrate this guidance into your daily life?
Final Thoughts: Trusting the Healing Process
Healing is a journey, not a destination. Every time you return to your safe space, regulate your nervous system and connect with your inner child, you are rewriting old patterns and stepping into deeper self-awareness. This space is your sanctuary, your refuge and your bridge to healing. Trust yourself, trust your inner child and trust the wisdom that continues to unfold within you.
You may also enjoy reading Healing and the Inner Child: A Best Self Q&A, by Christina Prokos.
