Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
One woman’s journey of flipping on the switch and connecting to her internal compass — her intuition
I walked around for years with my intuition completely shut off, like a light switch that had been flipped. As a child of a parent who struggled with drug and alcohol issues, I donned a cloak of invisibility. I mastered the art of compartmentalization in the moments of uncertainty and overwhelm. Emotional detachment was my go-to and served as a safety mechanism so I could ‘control’ the world around me.
I trusted no one and wore that as a badge of honor, my shield of protection. It was essentially the beginning — the place where I let go of my intuitive light.
Maybe it’s of no surprise that in my early twenties I gravitated to a job that I thought would allow me to maintain almost complete anonymity and virtually zero self-expression (or so I thought) — when I became a police officer. But somewhere along the line, between the training manuals, guidelines and law books, I was instructed to ‘trust my gut’. Whaaat? I disabled that connection a long time ago.
In a possible moment of life or death, I was told to ‘trust myself’ in how to respond — certainly a novel concept to me. I spent years looking outward. Just give me the answers…tell me what to do. But, this stirred something within. It reconnected something. And it felt right.
After 15 years in the police force, a career that made me feel a part of something and laid the groundwork for my next chapter of service — motherhood thrust me into a new career. As a new mom, pushing 40 years old, I suddenly found myself questioning my life’s purpose, and my next steps.
The moment my son was laid on my chest at birth, thoughts about my work, my health, my financial future, and my mortality changed instantly.
Parts of me awakened and softened. I realized that that little girl hiding beneath that cloak was safe to emerge — able to let go of all that she had been clutching to so fiercely. Able to become.
Stepping into the entrepreneurial world (initially, so I could be a stay-at-home mom) was the beginning of a reconnection to my intuitive self, a homecoming to my higher self. The stars had aligned in such a way now as a parent and business woman that there was no turning back — no turning off.
Becoming an entrepreneur meant I was shedding all that I had previously hidden beneath — be it a cloak, a uniform, an untruth I told myself. It meant trusting myself. Now, before that sounds like it was solely filled with rainbows and unicorns, let me just say that the last seven years have encompassed proverbial ‘shit shows’ of self-doubt and a cyclical rollercoaster ride of emotions and realizations. Literally everything I was ever insecure about came to the surface. But this time I didn’t run. I didn’t seek cover. Instead, I sat with it all — all the pieces and parts of this life journey that led to here.
And you know what? I am being SEEN for the first time in my life…and I like what I see.
My intuition has served as my North Star. My compass. It has guided me to look inward and to cultivate trust in myself so I can continue on a path of service. It’s been an onion-peeling process for me. But here’s the thing: Consciousness is contagious. Intuition is no longer pseudo-science, unconventional or even ‘woo woo’ if you ask me.
You have to make the decision to turn on that switch for yourself. That is your true job in life.
I came across a quote back in the days I was first joining the police academy. I don’t know who said it or where I read it, but God knew I was going to need this in my back pocket:
“Your background and circumstances may influence who you are, but you are responsible for who you become.”
You hold the key. You have all of the answers and you are beyond deserving. Become!
You may also enjoy reading Learning to Hear (and Trust) Your Intuition, by Venus Castleberg.