Interview: Kris Carr | Crazy Sexy Awakening

Kris Carr

Interview by Kristen Noel

Woodstock, New York / May 18^th 2015

Photographs by Bill Miles

Things rarely work out completely as planned. What is that saying…We make plans and God laughs? Twelve-plus years ago, Kris Carr, now a New York Times best-selling author, motivational speaker, and wellness activist at the helm of her global brand, Crazy Sexy Wellness, was a successful actress in New York City who was burning the candle at both ends when she received a call that would shift the trajectory of her life forever. It was one that would activate her true super powers. Little did she know then that she would go on to transform a cancer diagnosis into a crazy sexy preventative movement.

Kristen Noel:

Thank you for taking a sojourn from what you call the “Hell No Train.” Can you describe what it is and why you are on it?

Kris Carr:

Well, my friend Marie Forleo coined the “Hell No Train” phrase, and the longer I have been taking care of myself since my life change and I started a business, I realized there are only so many things I can handle and get done. Right now, I am in a creative cocoon, working on a book and taking a kind of sabbatical — I am in that creative cave. It’s important for us to stay connected to our own inner rhythm both in our life and in our business. Knowing where our boundaries are and knowing what inspires us keeps us fueled and passionate and healthy… we need to know where that tipping point is so we can avoid it.

Kristen Noel:

You are a study in contradictions, equally comfortable in your crunchy-granola plaid shirts and jeans, frolicking with your dogs or gardening, or as a glammed-up beautiful woman who takes the stage in your fashion-forward killer goddess shoes. While that could be intimidating to others, you immediately win them over with the authentic, humorous, and often self-deprecating way you share your story, which is so powerful and effective.

Kris Carr:

For me I had to get comfortable with being on stage. I was very comfortable in my former life as an actress on stage, but when I decided to take the stage and tell my own story, I had a lot of stumbles in the beginning. Truthfully, I started to find pleasure in the process when I brought forth my full personality and humor and my real life to my storytelling and teaching. The few times that I tried to act smarter or better or tell myself this is who I “should be,” it was just crickets — a monumental wipeout!

Kristen Noel:

Let’s take a step back for a moment for those who are new to your story. Valentine’s Day, 12-plus years ago …

Kris Carr:

I was sitting with my mother at her house in Connecticut waiting for the call from the oncologist’s office. It was an extremely challenging moment, not only because I was going to get the news of my life, but I then had to give this news to her — this woman who had given me life. That was the day I was diagnosed with a very rare, stage 4, incurable, no treatment but hopefully slow growing, lets-watch-you-for-the-rest-of-your-life cancer. Since I didn’t have the option to cut it out or fry it, I had to do a lot of soul searching because there were parts of my life that weren’t working for me. I used my diagnosis as an opportunity to get to know myself and to learn how to take care of myself. It’s been an incredible spiritual journey living with cancer for the last almost 13 years… and I continue to learn a lot through the process.

Kristen Noel:

You were advised of some pretty radical protocols to which you said — no, not going down that path.

 Kris Carr:

When dealing with an unknown, incurable disease, you get all kinds of things thrown at you. I have cancer in my liver and lungs and have dozens of tumors in my body. One doctor advised a triple organ transplant, another gave me 10 years to live. Thankfully I have always been connected to my intuition. For the most part I like to ignore it, but when the shit hits the fan, I thought maybe this would be a good time to connect.

 Kristen Noel:

Hello, intuition?

Kris Carr:

It’s Kris. Either of these treatments sound good? What do you think? No good? Okay. I don’t think I did anything big and brave.

Kristen Noel:

You didn’t have a blueprint to follow and, as you like to say, were forced to earn your Ph.D. from the University of Google. And yet, you made it your mission to figure this out on your own terms. By doing so, you have created a blueprint for others to carve out their own paths.

Kris Carr:

I asked my doctor, “So you want me to LIVE with this cancer all over my body?” And he answered, “Yes. Live. I want you to watch and wait.” I realized I had to watch and LIVE. In many ways the biggest challenge for me has been that the knowledge of cancer has been worse than the physical experience of it.

Kristen Noel:

Do you think we have to have dramatic wake-up calls in our lives in order to awaken and activate our true purpose and calling?

Kris Carr:

No, not at all, but what is interesting to me is that we all have something. We all have a struggle.

Kristen Noel:

Do you feel you have a mission to serve?

Kris Carr:

I have a mission to wake up, and to be happy and to take care of myself — to teach other people to do that if they would like to.

And I think that when you get fully excited about living your life, service becomes a natural part of that for many people. If you are feeling good, you want to share it. For me it comes back to [pause] – befriending myself and learning to be with all that is. From there you can see what happens — but I can tell you that a beautiful ripple effect takes place from that point on.

Kristen Noel:

How would you advise someone to awaken without experiencing a dramatic life event?

Kris Carr:

There are many ways to awaken. One of the biggest ways is to change your diet — to embrace the difference as you shift from fake food, processed food, sugar — to experience real energy, real respect for your instrument, to feel vitality and sustainable energy. That door will lead you to your spiritual life. A question I love is – “Can you be with yourself for 10 minutes?” Can you truly be with yourself without scouring your to-do list, telling yourself some story about yourself that isn’t true, future-tripping about what you need to be doing?

Kristen Noel:

Okay, can you give us an example of what that would look like?

Kris Carr:

I’d start with a 10-minute meditation and count your breath. Your mind will wander. You know your mind has a mind of its own, so if you get distracted (and you will), compassionately state, “thinking,” and come back. Don’t berate yourself. No matter where you start — with your diet or your spiritual practice – it all leads to connecting to yourself. Food is where I started.

Kristen Noel:

It’s a great starting point. Food is energy. Food is medicine.

 Kris Carr:

Food opened doors and really enhanced my spiritual practice, especially when I started to apply the loving kindness that I found in a plant-based diet to other aspects of my life.

If I could have compassion for my plate and all the beings around me and those I choose not to put on my plate… how come I can’t have that same compassion for myself at a very deep level?

Kristen Noel:

You have this gift of infusing everything you do — even cancer – with humor. I know you are a very hard worker, so how do you keep it fun?

Kris Carr:

I have to be delighted. So I have to delight myself all of the time — and my team, the people in my company know it. If I’m not delighted, it’s not going to work out. If I see something and I just burst into laughter or burst into tears, or say, Yes, more of that, we’re going to do that. But the second I start checking my watch or playing with the dog on a Skype call — we’re not going to do that. So if I can be delighted in the work that I do, the world will be delighted. If you are just putting stuff out there because you think you should, or because you are seeing what everyone else is doing or you feel like you have to keep up — your readers are going to feel that.

Kristen Noel:
Have you ever put out a clunker?

Kris Carr:

Absolutely. Yeah.

My greatest triumphs come because I am willing to fail greatly.

I’m very stubborn. I can’t learn from books. I have to learn from knee scrapes and delight.

Kristen Noel:

We now refer to you as a cancer “thriver.” Do you ever fall off the green-juice wagon? Is there anything on the naughty food list that you have a weakness for?

Kris Carr:

French fries! Give me a french fry and the interview is over. I used to be a lot stricter with myself because I was terrified about my choices. I thought if I eat this, I will hurt myself. I was so tied into getting better and being a medical miracle.

Kristen Noel:

You are a medical miracle!

Kris Carr:

I wanted to be cured, to find a cure. I was just very intense about my own personal diet and wellness plan. I finally realized there is no wagon and if you see a wagon, burn it down! For me it is about creating an overall practice I can lean on — that I can use as a bumper in my day-to-day life if I veer off track. Now, I’m in a phase of my life where dietary stuff is secondary to me. I’m more interested for my own exploration of the pursuit of pleasure and happiness and what that can do to help me.

If this isn’t happy [pointing to her head], it doesn’t matter how much green juice you have. Life isn’t going to be anything but bitter. Cancer taught me that living with an advanced disease is a very heavy experience. What’s the opposite?

Joy, whimsy, delight, fun, getting back in touch with my childlike nature. Through my darkest moments, this became my flashlight.

Kristen Noel:

Let’s talk animals — were they part of your awakening or have they always been a part of your life?

Kris Carr:

I grew up across the street from a dairy farm with very few other children around. These animals were my community, my friends — I just didn’t know what happened to them. Later in life when I became vegan, I thought, I have to be a voice for these creatures. Nothing will get me riled up more than voicelessness. It’s a personal button for me. [snapping her fingers] Tears turn to rage quickly for me.

Kristen Noel:

So this segues into Buddy.

Kris Carr:

Buddy, my angel, is a social-media superstar! Recently I was at the dog park and someone spotted Buddy and said, “Holy cow, that’s Buddy… and wait, aren’t you…. oh yeah, the one with something crazy and sexy.” I desperately wanted another dog and one day while hiking, there he was. He was 50 pounds when he should have been 100. Frail, emaciated, but still handsome. We nursed him back to health for approximately six months. During this process we started to notice some other issues with him, and he was ultimately diagnosed with the canine version of ALS. He is now in a wheely cart and slowly becoming paralyzed. One of the reasons I am on sabbatical right now is to be with him.

Some people ask me why I would do that for a dog… to me all beings are worthy of that level of care and love.

We are taking care of him for as long as we possibly can. Talk about resilience — he has taught me even more about suffering and the end of suffering and living in the moment. Buddy makes boundaries. Man, if you are pushing him too far, he’s going to let you know. If he wants more food, he’s going to tell you. If he wants to rest, he’ll let you know. He’s shown me the door to a new room where more healing resides.

 Kristen Noel:

Go Buddy go! I’m sure that people think you have a fleet of magical unicorns running the show. They might be surprised to know how incredibly hard you work.

Kris Carr:

I think some folks think hey, I’ll be an entrepreneur so I can make my own hours. If you want to have your own hours, don’t be an entrepreneur — it’s a 24/7, full-time experience. You need to create those boundaries for yourself, especially when balancing a personal brand. For years I didn’t know how to do it. But the thing about my body is that she is incredibly fierce and she’s also very fragile. And every time I end up pushing myself too far, I get bronchitis or pneumonia or some sort of new chronic, nobody-knows condition. And she will say to me over and over again — I will keep giving you challenges if you ignore me, and that is her fierceness.

Kristen Noel:

Didn’t you once say, the only time I like “no” is when I’m saying it?

Kris Carr:

Oh yes! [laughing] Absolutely. But I think my body has been saying no more than I have been willing to listen to. My mind has a LOT of ideas and a lot of energy and my body doesn’t have as many or as much. But I’ll tell you, the more I listen to my body, the more successful we become as a company and the more healthy and happy my team members are.

Kristen Noel:

You have this incredibly hunky, creative, wonderful husband with whom you co-create and manifest. Do you keep each other in check and in balance?

Kris Carr:

He definitely keeps me in balance more than I keep him in balance. I think we have very different personalities. I have a strange polar-opposite kind of thing going on — I have a very big personality and I am also very introverted. I go big and then I need to retreat. He is actually much more even-keeled, steady, practical, and very grounded.

Kristen Noel:

All of those years ago, back in NYC living la vida loca in your fast-paced world, could you have imagined all of this — could you have imagined creating a wellness empire?

Kris Carr:

No — ultimately my diagnosis and my saying that I want to get more out of this life really forced me to look at my stuff around my self-worth. Until I did that I couldn’t see any other way and I certainly didn’t see myself in healthy relationships.

Kristen Noel:

Enter cute cameraman.

Kris Carr:

What’s interesting about that and what I think is important for women to hear — we often have this idea of who our perfect [air quotes] mate is going to be.

Mine was swashbuckling and dark. If I couldn’t save him, if he didn’t have some sort of addiction or some secret from the past, I would’ve kept on walking by.

And then came Brian, the greatest guy, but back then I wouldn’t have seen him. I literally had to get stripped down to see someone who is actually so incredible for me and with whom I could fall so deeply in love.

Kristen Noel:

So what now — what’s the dream for Kris Carr the person and Kris Carr the brand?

Kris Carr:

I answer that question very differently now. A few years ago it would have been to tell you about big milestones — I don’t do that anymore. I think my goals are very simple: they are to do the thing that is right in front of me. So my goal right now is to have an incredible conversation with you.

Kristen Noel:

To be present.

And like you said, the dream may just be to live in delight. Speaking of which… this deck of Crazy Sexy Love Notes is delight manifested!

Kris Carr:

This deck was a very big thing on my vision board of delight. I wanted to work with a friend of mine, Lori Portka, who’s a wonderful painter. I think my next level of activism will revolve around love. I see a lot of bullying and negativity in the online and offline world. I really move toward standing for love and care and creating that bastion of safety where people feel like they can be themselves and learn how to take care of themselves. It is just one big hug.

Kristen Noel:

Perusing one of your books, you spoke of your journey from Hot Pockets to Whole Foods. I seriously cringe when using Hot Pockets and Kris Carr in the same sentence — it seems like a sacrilege. This awakening – this life event — was an awakening to not only your health, but to “real” food as well.

Kris Carr:

Yes, that and all of my addictions. I was very addicted to food and substances. I wouldn’t call myself a full-blown alcoholic, addict, or whatnot, but there wasn’t a week where I wasn’t playing with something — including cigarettes (a lot of them). But I never called myself a smoker because I never bought a pack.

Kristen Noel:

[laughing] Oh, you were one of those people. At $10 a pack now, no one is sharing.

Kris Carr:

Well, back in my day….

Kristen Noel:

Well, back in your day, you could still smoke everywhere.

Kris Carr:

And I did! So food really woke me up to a lot of stuff — especially stuff around sugar and my weight. I had a lot of baggage around food and disordered eating. It took me a long time to heal that stuff, but I’ll tell you something — cancer changed it all, pretty quickly.

Kristen Noel:

What would you say to someone caught on the same habit-trail?

Kris Carr:

I am not an expert in any way, shape, or form — I know a lot more about cancer and working with chronic illness. The moment when I realized that I am impermanent, that I am going to die, and I probably know what it is most likely going to be from — I’m just not sure when it’s going to happen — I got clear on how I wanted to live. There was so much of life I hadn’t experienced — and I was wasting my life, wasting my thoughts, wasting my potential, my humor, my joy, my delight, my passion, my smarts; I was wasting it all, focused on that useless noise in my head. That’s when I went to a monastery and spent a summer learning to meditate to get in touch with myself. To start to learn how to befriend myself, accept myself, to be kind to myself, and to love myself. This can sound really clichéd, but unless you have had that experience and you decide – today is the LAST day I am going to be vicious to myself — you can’t move through it.

Kristen Noel:

You are now considered a go-to resource for cancer patients — you have forged a blueprint for other people.

Kris Carr:

It’s very odd because I have never had any treatment. What I always say to everybody is that there are no eastern / western philosophies. We need to create a bridge, a dialog between two sometimes warring factions, between the integrative, functional, and as some would say alternative, “woo-woo” eastern camp, and the traditional doctors and scientists in the western camp – we all just need to work together for survival.

Kristen Noel:

And figure out what protocol works for you.

Kris Carr:

No matter what that protocol is — whether that’s chemo or radiation — whatever it is, it’s important to teach people about their own potential, to meet their doctor half way. And this isn’t just about cancer. It’s been fun for me to see the expansion of my community, not to just include cancer patients. This is about feeling good. You go to the doctor, they tell you to do a couple of things and then they send you home, but you have a much bigger life around you. It’s not only that one little pill that you take. It’s the holistic, integrated life — what about your stress, what about the shit that’s going on in your marriage, what about the fact that you have serious insomnia?

You are a full technicolor instrument and you can’t just look at one little part of it; you need to explore the whole thing.

 Kristen Noel:

You activate prevention in people. You activate their activation.

Kris Carr:

I have had many different changes to my business, and every time I make a brand change it is to include more people. After my appearance on “Oprah,” I realized that this mission went way beyond cancer.

Kristen Noel:

If you could go back to that younger Kris who was awaiting the call from the oncologist, what would you say to her now?

Kris Carr:

[deep breath] I would tell her that I love her and that I am going to be here for her no matter what happens. I’d tell her it is going to be okay [pause]… but she wouldn’t listen. That’s life. We have to go through these experiences and when we go through them, if we can do it with as much love and fire and grace and willingness to feel it all, the way I am feeling right now, that’s when we are going to grow. Everything I’ve been through I needed to go through. Like you first asked me — does everyone have to go there? No. I don’t think we all have to go down to the bottom. But whatever your experience is, whatever is making you feel a little lump in your throat — that’s the thing you want to put some energy and light and love on. That’s what will bring you delight.

Kristen Noel:

Today, can you take a Zen approach to all of this — that all is exactly as it is meant to be? Are all these life events markers for soul lessons?

Kris Carr:

Definitely soul lessons. I don’t know about meant to be, but it is what it is. I am very practical. It is what it is, so now what? How can we find the beauty in it and how can we accept the tragedy in it? How can we be with it? Those are the conversations I am most happy having. In addition to making people laugh and feel good about themselves, I am interested in the deeper conversations.

Kristen Noel:

I loved when you said that cancer taught you how to live. Perhaps living a full-circle life in all of its messiness is the cure?

Kris Carr:

I think that is a very beautiful way to put it.

 Kristen Noel:

Do you want to leave us with a crazy sexy wish for the world?

Kris Carr:

Can you be nicer to yourself today than you were yesterday?

From that place everybody is going to feel it. All of the choices we make affect somebody else. When we are rage-ful and feel there is a war going on inside, there will be a war outside. Can you be a little nicer to yourself today than you were yesterday?

Kristen Noel:

Thank you for sprinkling the activation dust of love and awakening into the world in your own crazy-sexy-Kris Carr way! We are all better for it. Juice on, sister!

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