I Don’t Live There Anymore

A recent dream reminds me of the journey, the whole journey; where I once was, where I am today (and where I don’t want to go again)

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While away on a recent sand-in-my-toes reprieve to Miami — I awoke from a dream that not only startled me, I actually remembered it quite vividly. Without recounting the entire storyline, I want to share the core message. In the dream I found myself walking through corridors of what appeared to be a hospital. As I hurriedly walked down the hallway searching for something / someone, I peered into open door after open door, yet all the beds were empty.

I found myself standing before a computer screen much like one would while checking in with a receptionist at a doctor’s office. There before me on the monitor was my information. But the info it displayed was all old and outdated.

That’s not my address. I don’t live there anymore.

Panic started to set in because I had been given some sedative and though I kept repeating, that’s not my address…I couldn’t remember my new one. I knew I didn’t live there, but I couldn’t remember where I did. I knew I had to find someone who could recall the address, so I started frantically making calls. What’s my address?

There were many clues for me in this dream that I am still unpacking, but the most profound was in this notion of not living somewhere anymore — and declaring it (yet, being partially terrified of it).

Where do you not live anymore?

This doesn’t have to be about a physical place. It could be a relationship, a job, self-defeating pattern or limited thinking. Where and what have you moved on from? Fifty shades of evolution. Like peeling layers of an onion, we remove what is no longer necessary to get to the potent essence of who we are. And yet, it all matters. It all played an integral role in arriving here in this moment of your life.

What’s that for you? What no longer serves you or is unnecessary?

It’s important to acknowledge the journey — to see how far you’ve traveled, where you have visited (even if you don’t want to ever go back there), and who you have danced with. Oftentimes we leave the past in the past to the extent that we forget just how far we have come…to this place, this YOU.

Traveling has played a big role in my life since I boarded my first Paris-bound plane when I had just turned 16 years old as a young model. Those years of living out of a suitcase moving about the globe were met with both exhilaration and anxiety — newness and the unknown. Life. No one gave me a handbook or showed me how to navigate it all; especially when it came to feelings. I’m sure you have your version of it — your version of ‘winging’ it, on the job training.

You likely have your list of things you’d like to leave right where they are buried in the recesses of your memories. And while this isn’t about having to go back to unearth those things, or take up residency somewhere you no longer live — it is about acknowledging the journey to here, the landscape you’ve traversed, the beautiful awakening that has occurred (and will continue to occur) within you.

We are Best Selfers; we’re hungry for vibrant lives aligned with our highest selves body, mind and spirit.

Yet, even explorers must rest their weary bones and settle into the essence of this single moment before us — and to remember and honor it all. Each piece played a role in arriving here. Sometimes we can even look back at the most unsavory of them and give thanks.

Enjoy the ride, yet never lose sight of how far you’ve come. It’s not all about what’s next. I think the work is not about shaming ourselves or feeling guilty about the ‘mistakes’ and missteps we have made. This is the tapestry of your beautiful life in all of its seasons; the good, the bad and the ugly — all of it.

No, I don’t live there anymore. But I trust that it played an important role in where I stand and where I’m headed.

Remember, you get to choose where to live and what beliefs get to take up residency. I know where I don’t live anymore…you?

Everything in your life — every moment, every struggle — is the path.

~ Pema Chodron

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