If you want a great relationship, let go of your fantasies of perfection and tune into who you really are and what’s really important
Have you ever considered what truly makes a great relationship? Do you know anyone who actually has one?
Years ago, I decided I wasn’t ever having a relationship. I looked around at how everyone else was doing it and I thought there’s no way I want that! Rather than acknowledging there was another possibility I could create for myself, I eliminated relationship as an option altogether.
Many of us have a fantasy version of what we’d like our special relationship to be. But fantasies eliminate possibilities.
When you’ve predetermined what you have to have, you cut yourself off from infinite possibilities. By declaring that you want X, Y, and Z — a man on a white horse or a supermodel who cooks — anything that isn’t that is not good enough.
If you want to create a relationship that really works for you, start with these simple tips:
Look at what a relationship means to you
Does it get you out of something? Does it save you? Does it create limitation or contraction? Let go of all those decisions because they are eliminating choice.
If you have decided that someone will come along to take care of you and for provide you, be prepared to let go of that version of your story. Why? Because every decision limits what can show up. Letting go of your fantasy version is easy if you are willing to look at what is limiting your life. Be honest with yourself about what it isn’t working. And believe that you can change anything.
Tune into what you can choose that will create more
I’ve been choosing to be in relationship with my ‘enjoyable other’ for the past eight years. During this time, we’ve been confronted by some big decisions regarding properties, business, and all the ways our lives can work with both of us traveling and creating all over the world.
Instead of determining what we do or don’t want, we look at what our choices will create.
A great way to do that is to look at a situation where there’s a choice to make and ask, “What will life be like if I choose this?” Don’t fill in the details you’ve preconcluded, just get the feel of it. Sense how it will change your life well into the future. Then ask, “What will life be like if I don’t choose this?” Notice how that feels different. Which one is lighter and more expansive? Which choice will create more?
When you’re willing to really look at the difference between choices, you tap into your awareness of possibilities rather than trying to think or feel your way through everything.
Be consistent with what you’re asking
Consistency is how things come together. If you say you would love to create a relationship but are just sitting back and doing nothing, you’re not consistent with what you’re asking for. But if you are sincere about creating one, decide what action could you take today to make that happen. There isn’t a ‘right’ way to create a relationship. But there are ways you can create a relationship that allows you to have more fun while contributing to each other and your lives together.
You may also enjoy How to Have a Healthy Relationship With Your Soulmate by Lynda Arbon