Destruction and Regrowth: A Spiritual Awakening of Career and Self

The destruction from a wildfire and subsequent regrowth frames one intrepid woman’s revamping of her life, professionally and personally

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It’s been over a year of waking up in Los Angeles. And by waking up, I mean the spiritual kind — a gradual shift from focusing on my external world to being guided by my inner one and a higher power far greater than myself. 

I wish I could say it’s been easy and quick, but truthfully, it’s been neither. I’ve cried many tears and felt lonely, frustrated, and angry. I’ve also had my heart cracked open in life-affirming ways, experienced beautiful connections with people, and tapped into the divine within and all around me.

More than ever, I believe life is unfolding in perfect time, and I am finally coming home to myself.

Last November, the Woolsey Fire scorched much of Malibu and parts of Calabasas. I remember returning after the evacuation orders lifted and the shock I felt when I saw melted highway railings on the 101, just two exits north of my old neighborhood. The shock deepened to horror with my first few drives to and from work at Pepperdine, where I saw not only more melted railings, but also downed power lines, trees burnt to a crisp, vegetation leveled to ashes, and the Santa Monica Mountains laid bare, charred black and brown. Kanan Road was even worse, with all of the above and burnt-out cars and houses razed to their foundation.

And yet, merely a few weeks later, there was regrowth. 

Thanks to fortuitous downpours and the ash acting as a fertilizer, tender green shoots emerged delicately from the charred earth. They continued to grow, and by March of this year, Malibu Canyon looked like the hills of Ireland — there were so many shades of green, the vegetation was lush, and wildflowers were in full bloom. From certain angles, except for the burnt trees and rocks, it was hard to tell that a massive fire had swept through.

These images of sheer destruction and regrowth have helped me process the cycle of destruction and regrowth in my own life.

Before moving to Los Angeles, I had worked as a lawyer for seven years, serving as a judicial clerk and litigator at two large law firms. I learned a lot in that time and am grateful for those experiences and my former colleagues. But I can’t say that other than a handful of times on the job, I truly felt like myself. 

In litigation, you’re often rewarded for tearing people down, finding fault with their positions, and making opposing counsel’s life more difficult. That was tough for me, because my greatest strength is harmony. I love building people up and maximizing their potential. And I am all about fun, optimism, and joy. In late 2017, I finally hit a wall after realizing how fundamentally misaligned I was with my work. I was miserable and abruptly quit my job. 

I had nothing lined up, which I see in hindsight wasn’t the wisest move. Thankfully, my parents let me move back to my childhood home in Florida. When you’re 33 and moving in with your parents, it’s a humbling experience, to say the least. I am forever grateful for their gift, as it allowed me to rest and begin rebuilding. 

While at home, I connected with a professional coach, Sindy. I went to her wanting to find a new job.

Now, looking back, I realize I was really looking for a new way of life, a new way of being.

Sindy was yet another gift. With her intuition, authenticity, and holistic approach, she taught me powerful lessons on self-worth, energy perception, and freedom of choice. Our work together led me to new opportunities in higher education more aligned with who I am.

These days, I counsel law students on their careers and anything they’d like to discuss. It’s fun getting to know who they are, their hopes and dreams, and being a part of their growth. I order yo-yos for them and hand out stickers. Of course, no job is perfect, and there are challenges that show me where I still need to work on myself. Most of these challenges center on my ego. I am learning to see when and how it shows up, and I am practicing different ways of responding consciously. Importantly, I’ve also learned that I am not my job; it is simply something I do and happen to do well.

In the cycle of destruction and regrowth, I’m somewhere between the tender green shoots of last December and the full wildflower bloom of this March. 

Since moving to Los Angeles, I’ve been leaning into what feels joyful and interesting, and following the synchronicities.

A curiosity about walking labyrinths brought me to the Peace Awareness Labyrinth and Gardens, where I met a kundalini yogi. Our conversation led me to Yoga West on South Robertson, where I learned more about this yoga of awareness and its kriyas and Sikh mantras. This spring, I found myself in Malibu Canyon at Sat Nam Fest — advertised as the “premier kundalini yoga and music festival” — singing my heart out with fellow yogis in all-white clothing and blissed out during an all-night gong bath. Over Memorial Day weekend, I attended a silent retreat at a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in eastern Washington. That set the stage for a blessing ceremony by the Oracle of Tibet in August on Melrose Avenue, where I saw members of the Sikh community and a longtime kundalini teacher. My worlds are unexpectedly colliding.

Inspired by my work with Sindy and my students at Pepperdine, I’ve also enrolled in a coach certification program. In coaching, we see the client as creative, resourceful, and whole, and ultimately, the authority on his or her own life. Through a process of asking empowering questions, holding a mirror to their beliefs, and inviting them to question how they might want to show up differently, we help people step into greater awareness, access their inner wisdom, and bring their true dreams to life. Coaching resonates with every fiber of my being, and I am loving and delighting in the people I find in this space.

My soul has waited several decades for me to begin living in full expression.

I made a vision board recently, with magazine clippings that capture who I am and what I want in life. The first word is LIGHT: to be a source of brightness and levity. A second word is LOVE: to be, to give, and to receive love. Other words are: joy, fun, natural, alignment, limitless, dream, explore, and choose. And finally, the phrase, “to inspire you on your journey,” which I hope I’ve done today. From the depths of my heart, I know a wildflower bloom is coming, and I’m so curious to see how it unfolds.

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