Chasing Happy: 3 Steps to Life-Long Transformation

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

Chasing dreams and happiness is not just folly for kids — it’s real and possible for you, if you’re willing to do the inner and outer work

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It started with a simple question: “Mommy, can I give you a goal this year?”

At the time I was working long stressful hours leading a large client relationship for an advertising agency while balancing having two young kids at home during the pandemic. To say I was short on patience and sleep is an understatement, but every day I blocked off time at lunch to take my sons to the park.

It was at the park when my youngest, then five, asked me the question that would change my career and my life. “Mommy, can I give you a goal this year?”

I’ve always been a big goal-setter so the idea of him giving me a goal was exciting. Plus, I was in the process of becoming a Certified Life and Health Coach where goal setting is a crucial first step so I loved goals.  

“Yeah bud, what goal do you want to give me?” I asked.

“Mommy, can you be less angry this year? You’re angry all the time,” he said.

His words felt like a dagger to the chest. They were not at all what I was expecting but they were what I needed to hear. It was at that moment I realized I had been living the life I thought was expected of me, not the life I wanted.

As a child, I had set my definition of success on The Game of Life and I had been busy checking the boxes – go to university, get a well-paying stable job I was good at, get married, buy the house, have kids. 

As great as things looked on paper, something was missing. I had spent years so focused on having a family and climbing the corporate ladder that I no longer knew what made me tick. I’d done things out of necessity, not passion or purpose. When I was burning out at a company from working long hours, and from stress and anxiety, I’d change jobs. I acted how I thought I should act for people to get ahead at work and for people to like me. And I was motivated by external validation – if someone told me I was doing a great job, I felt happy. If not, it fueled me to try harder. 

It was time to chase my happy.

I went from practically never exercising to running three 10 km races and moving my body regularly. I practiced ways to better manage my stress and anxiety so I wouldn’t be so angry. I learned to be more present with my kids and husband (although that is definitely still a work in progress). And I gave myself the permission to chase the silly, secret dreams I’d had in high school of being a keynote speaker and writer – two dreams I’d told myself “weren’t real careers.”

And it worked. 

I may make less money but I have more balance. I’ve changed my definition of success from being about money and titles to passion, purpose and joy. I have the life I envisioned years ago, where I get to walk my kids to and from school, have more autonomy in my work, and do things like public speaking, leadership coaching and writing, which truly light me up in ways better than I ever imagined. I also have the tools to overcome what used to hold me back: things like strategies for how to manage my stress and anxiety, and the habits required to live a more authentic and happier life. 

It took a lot of time, work and patience, with many ups and downs to get here, but it was worth it. Looking back on the process, I’ve gleaned a few pivotal tenets for success to share with you

So, if you are looking to break free and chase your happy, here are some steps you can take:

Uncover what lights you up

If you find yourself feeling stuck or demotivated, perhaps you need a change in your life. Maybe it’s a new job or perhaps it’s having a hobby that sparks some joy. And it doesn’t matter if it sounds silly or stupid – if it’s something you want, and it’s not too far-fetched, then go for it. Dreams are not just for kids.  

If it’s hard to come up with something, think back to when you were younger. What did you dream of doing or learning? What activities did you enjoy? What do you want more of in your life?

And more importantly, how do you want to feel?

Identify what holds you back

Fears, excuses, negative thoughts and bad habits all hold us back from having more of what we want in our lives. Sometimes we know what these things are and sometimes they’re blind spots that need a therapist or coach to tease them out. Regardless of what they are, they need to be identified as they are likely the things standing in the way of where you are now and you living a happier or healthier life.

Things like fear of rejection or being judged. Excuses of not having the knowledge. Believing you’re not ready or good enough. Telling yourself you don’t have the time or money. More often than not, these are stories we make up. Stories we think hold true but in fact are fiction. Stories that need to get out of your head and onto a piece of paper. 

Break Free

The last step to is to give yourself permission to break free and then understand it is up to you and only you when it comes to chasing your dreams or goals. Only you can take full responsibility to do it and then the necessary action steps required. Perhaps you need someone to help hold you accountable or to call you out when one of your fears or excuses pops up…but at the end of the day, no one can do the work for you.

Within breaking free, there are four steps:

1. Declaring what you want – write it down, say it out loud – get it out there into the world. 
2. Write new stories to overcome the fears, excuses, beliefs and bad habits holding you back. 
3. Set your priorities so your time, energy and money align with your goals and what you want. 
4. Go for it! 

Being asked to be less angry was the final push I needed in my life to make some serious changes, but it doesn’t have to take such a monumental moment. You can choose to change things at any time.

And remember that any type of change is messy. And it’s going to feel worse before it feels better. In those moments, you need to remind yourself why the effort is worth it. What will changing do for you or others in your life? 

Think of it like a home renovation. You have a beautiful vision of the end result but the process of renovating a home is messy. It’s expensive. It has unexpected twists and turns. And personal growth is no different. If it was easy or comfortable, we’d all be walking around feeling happy, healthy and fulfilled.

So, what are you waiting for?  Is it time to break free and chase your happy?

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If you want to learn more about these steps or breaking free, you can buy Breaking Free on Amazon:

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You may also enjoy reading It’s Time to Fly: Facing Our Fears and Letting Go, by Kristen Noel.