Growing old is linear, but aging is not; with the right mindset and health practices, your ‘golden years’ can be the most joyful of your life
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There comes a time when we find it a little harder to celebrate the years that we lived. We look at the calendar begrudgingly as every day we realize that our faces don’t look the same as they did 10 or 20 years ago, and days as a young adult are officially over. But getting older is not something that we should be wishing away, it’s a process that we should be eager to experience! So why is it that so many of us aren’t jumping up and down once we’ve hit a milestone birthday, or lie about our age when asked how old we are?
Society is quick to cast our elders to the side.
Studies have shown that many Americans hold stereotypes about the elderly that aren’t very kind. They’re viewed as slower, potentially senile, and less attractive than their younger counterparts. These stereotypes can be largely attributed to the media that surrounds us every day. Seniors are consistently under-represented in TV and film, which gives off the impression that their lives and their stories are not relatable or worth being the main topic of conversation. We’re constantly bombarded with ads and media telling us that the only way to be attractive is to be young — that if you want to be of value to society, then you need to hold onto your youth for as long as you possibly can. (Note that this is particularly the case in western cultures; in many eastern cultures, elders are revered and respected for their wisdom and experience.)
This pressure is especially strong for women, since make-up and cosmetic brands are at the heart of these messages. None of us can turn back the hands of time, no matter how much money we have to spend on the youth serums being marketed to us, or how much we’re being told that we need to.
I remember, growing up, that my grandmother would obsess over finding that one magic cream that would help her get rid of the lines that time put on her face. And I would also watch as she constantly hassled my grandfather about keeping his hair dyed, as if walking around with a man who has gray hair was as embarrassing as if she had it herself. I remember thinking that she must be building an insecurity in him that he didn’t inherently have, just to assuage her own. She wasn’t doing it to be cruel, though. She just wanted to make sure that she and my grandfather were always presenting the best version of themselves — i.e. the youngest version of themselves.
How can we not feel unwanted and undervalued when we’re constantly being given a challenge that we will inevitably fail, both from society and the people who love us the most?
This is why it’s so important that we help to switch this narrative and remind people that getting older is an amazing thing!
Whenever the conversation comes up about learning to value the elders in our society, we always bring up the fact that they have years and years of wisdom that they’ve acquired over time. But it’s also important to appreciate the beauty that they possess, listen to the opinions and thoughts that they have to contribute, and receive the love that they have to give. Older people are not disposable, and we definitely should not fear becoming them or obsess over trying to hide the evidence of aging.
Spoiler alert: These are the best years of our lives!
While old age does bring some unwelcome physical and cognitive changes, it also brings a self-confidence that most young adults can only dream of. Social cues become easier for you to read, which makes you a better companion to your friends and family. The golden years of emotion are in your 60s and 70s, which means if you’re younger than that, then your happiest days are yet to come. And you become more assured about who you are and what your place is in the world as you age, which means you’re not always worried about how others perceive you.
When I was younger, I worked so hard to be accepted by everyone. I would spend hours perfecting my hair and make-up before leaving the house and I was somewhat obsessed with how people were perceiving my interactions with them — was I coming off as friendly? Am I being too rude? Is this person going to like me after this? It was as if I was trying to solidify my place in society by gaining acceptance from the outside world. Now that I’m well into my 40s, I am much surer of the worth that I bring to this world, and I’m not as concerned with whether other people are able to see that or not. This is what they forget to tell you when the topic of aging comes up. Your mind is less consumed by what others are thinking and is better able to focus on your own thoughts and feelings, which makes it easier to fall in love with yourself.
The key to accessing this self-love is to take care of yourself.
While it’s nice to know that life gets a little sweeter as you get older, it’s important to note that this doesn’t come without a lot of hard work.
If you want to have the confidence later in life, then you have to spend a lot of time learning who you are, finding out what you love about yourself, and taking care of your physical and mental health.
One of the best ways to learn who you are — and my personal favorite thing to do — is to keep a journal and write down your thoughts every day. Not only will this allow you to let out some of the stress that you may be carrying around day-to-day, but you also become attuned to how your brain processes information and emotions. If you feel like you don’t really have enough thoughts and insight to write down every day, try to find an interactive journal that gives you prompts on what to write about. The journey to self-discovery is a long one, but it’s one that only gets better with age.
You should also get in the habit of taking care of your physical body as well. Self-love means that you’re doing everything you can to take care of yourself. Giving your body the proper nutrients to age in a healthy way is a crucial step in feeling good once you’re older. Although it’s easy to develop poor eating habits in our busy, younger years, the sooner we start the better we’re going to feel as time goes on. If you’ve already developed these bad habits, look into joining a helpful weight-loss program that teaches you how to make healthier food choices. The more time and effort you put into loving yourself, the happier you will be when your body goes through the natural aging process.
There’s no avoiding getting older, so you might as well embrace it.
The absolute best way to make aging a pleasant process for you is to embrace the changes that will inevitably come with it. Don’t let yourself be afraid of the stereotypes that people often associate with seniors, but rather be happy that you’ve lived long enough to see all that life has to offer. Avoid comparing your physicality to yourself as a younger man/woman; instead, enjoy different, less strenuous activities that challenge you in new ways. Socialize with active, engaging peers that keep you inspired to keep learning and trying new things. And lastly, work to cultivate self-compassion so that you’ll be okay when confronted with society’s negative messages.
You may also enjoy reading What We Seek | A Lifelong Journey Uncovers a Basic Truth by Indira Abby Heijnen
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