Finding Happiness by Shedding Projections, Expectations and Rejections

Choose to become open and happiness will flow in

—

Have you ever been judged by someone?

Do you know somebody that has decided something about you, and no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, they will not change their mind? Perhaps they decided you are mean. Or maybe selfish. Or angry. Whatever their conclusion of you, they are holding tightly to it no matter what.

Have you ever been the one judging?

What points of view do you have about others? What points of view do you have about you? A judgment is any fixed point of view that someone or something has to be — or is — a certain way. Separation occurs once you do a judgment of any kind. You separate yourself from the person or thing you judge — even if it’s you.

Judgments define you. They also confine and lock you in.

They put you in a tiny box and stop you from having and being you. And when you are not being you, you are miserable and the whole world misses out.

If you would like to get out of the box and go beyond what you have defined as you so you can actually be you and be happy, you have to let go of the projections, expectations and rejections that you’ve believed were real and true.

Projections and expectations are what you think someone else will do even if they aren’t going to do it. A projection would be: This man is perfect for me. An expectation would be: He will have the same point of view about me that I have about him. He’ll think I’m perfect for him.

When you function from projections and expectations you are not seeing what is; you are seeing what you have decided should be.

Rejection is dismissing or refusing something. When you dismiss and refuse, rather than receive, you put up walls and barriers to everyone and everything around you. Many people buy the lie that this is how they stay safe and protected. This is actually not true. Walls and barriers keep out all of the gifts and contributions around you.

If you would like to be happy, if you would like to enjoy the fun and adventure of living, you have to let go of the projections, expectations and rejections that you are functioning from so you can open to the possibilities that are available.

4 Tips to start letting go of projections and expectations and opening to happiness:

Ask a question

Projections, expectations and rejections are points of view that we get locked into. They include our conclusions about the world, other people and ourselves. As long as we believe that these points of view are true we stay stuck in the lies that are limiting us. Asking questions takes us off of auto-pilot. Asking questions breaks the cycle of the endless mind chatter. Asking questions is the key that opens the door to all possibilities.

If you want to break the cycle of thinking that things are never going to work, or life is so hard, or this situation is really bad — ask a question. One question you can ask is, “What else is possible?”Or “What’s right about this that I’m not getting?”

Let everything be ‘an interesting point of view’

When you notice projections, expectations and rejections, don’t align and agree with how you perceive the world to be. Don’t resist and react to it either. Just allow it to be what it is — an interesting point of view. We get stuck when we believe that our points of view are true. When they are not real or true or significant, when they are simply interesting, then they do not control us. We can choose to keep that point of view. Or we can choose to let it go or choose another point of view.

No significance. No attachment. Just interesting.

Every time you notice a point of view say, “Interesting point of view. I have that point of view (or I hadn’t thought of that).” Keep saying it until you notice that you feel lighter. When you say this phrase, your mind lets go of what it has concluded and your point of view becomes simply interesting rather than real and true. When it’s simply interesting, you can change it.

Give up the need to be right

A lot of unhappiness is caused when people choose being right over being happy. Being right causes you to feel triumphant, but this is not happiness. You’ve got to recognize that nobody makes you happy and nobody makes you unhappy.

You are the creator of your own life. You don’t need to score points against someone else to feel good. You just need to choose to be you and to be happy.

Everybody has a different point of view and you can spend your time in conflict, trying to convince them that they are wrong, trying to make you right. Or you can ask yourself: Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy? When being happy is more important to you than being right, happiness becomes your reality.

Practice

Most of us have spent our whole lives projecting, expecting and rejecting. It may take some practice to go beyond what is so familiar. The best thing to practice is the practice of being happy. Even if it’s just for 10 seconds at a time. You can choose it again as many times over as you like.

Let’s say you have 10 seconds to live the rest of your life and in that final 10 seconds you’d like to be truly happy. Choose it! Choose to be happy. Every 10 seconds you can choose to be happy. If you notice that you have stopped being happy, choose again. “Wait. Somewhere my happy got lost. This is a new 10 seconds. In these 10 seconds…I choose happy.” It really is that simple.

Most people learn unhappiness from their family. We are handed a point of view at a young age; we are programed by our parents and our schoolmates to believe certain things. We are taught that projections, expectations and rejections are the right way to be. Many of us then function as if those points of view are true, which limits our capacity for happiness. You can change all of that! Recognize that everything that your parents and society taught you are simply interesting points of view. Give up the need to be right. Ask questions. CHOOSE. Happiness is just a choice.

---

You may also enjoy reading The Most Common Happiness Mistake and the Secret to Greater Joy, by Sara Fabian